here i am

well friends,

the deed has been done.

the boobs are no longer yanking on my shoulders ... they are perky and ugly. ugly only because of the many, many stitches (about 50-75 total) and the yellow/blue/black bruising. i would post a picture however i think that most would find it offensive or else want to vomit.

but, i am here. alive. and happy. i am finding that the time spent alone is wonderful, but too much of it makes me want to cry with loneliness. i have been alone for days now - with my husband working and my son being taken care of by wonderful people. they come home late at night and either duke or myself have already passed out.

ok - here's the list of movies that i bought off of ebay for my sappy, movie-love-starved convalecence:

1. barefoot in the park

2. the way we were

3. shadowlands

4. 84 charing cross road

5. the women (great movie)

6. how to lose a guy in 10 days

7. maid in manhattan (don't laugh - i just wanted simple, don't-have-to-think movies)

8. shakespeare in love

9. return to paradise

10. love story

11. the book of acts

among others. i tried desperately to get a movie called "holiday" made in 1939, i think, with cary grant and katherine hepburn - but i kept getting outbid.

other movies i've watched:

1. emma

2. sense and sensibility

3. pride and prejudice

4. bringing up baby

5. alfie

6. chocolat

books i've read: (keep in mind that i had NO OTHER books to choose from, but still needed to read - therefore, if you all have any that you would like to donate to an ailing foe, let me know)

1. biography of cary grant

2. bio of monica lewinsky

3. bio of joan crawford

4. bio of howard hughes

5. bio of grace kelly

6. am currently reading: eating chinese food naked

7. next book is: to kill a mockingbird

thanks for all prayers and well-wishes ...

i'm off to another nap and movie-fest!

they're goin' down!!! (don't read if you can't take self-pity)

shit.

i mean, shoot.

my surgery is in 12 hours and 43 minutes.

shit.

now, i'm nervous. i am home alone and can only think of the horrid things that are going to happen.

such as:

1. i will be the first woman ever to die from a breast reduction.

2. my boobs will be really ugly after surgery (i saw some pix of other breasts after redux and was kinda grossed out).

3. my back won't get better, it will get worse.

4. i'm going to get an infection (i usually do).

i actually cried as my friend was taking my son to stay at her house for the night.

my thoughts were, "what if i die and never see him again?."

so melodramatic!!!

well, friends ... in all likelihood, i'm sure things will be fine. on 9/23/05 at 7:30 am, i will be on an operating table with my chest being cut apart. please pray if you like - i would appreciate it.

by-the-way, should this 16 oz. budweiser in a can calm my frayed nerves? please advise.

and for all you "by-the-book" people - i can drink or eat until midnight, ok? (but i will stop after this one beer).